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Home

Festival TOP TIPS

PLEASE SEND ME YOUR Festival TIPS OR GENERAL FESTIVAL IDEAS Fill in the Form below with your pearls of wisdom!!!!!  

NAME: (Press Tab not return)

E-MAIL

Your Top Tips!!!!

PRESS ONLY ONCE !!

Laura
laurac@demon.net
Chelmsford is a doddle - it's well laid out, there's a lot of space, the camping is regimented, the access is easy and there aren't loads of crims there.  You'll be fine. 

However, usual rules apply.  Even though V98 doesn't attract the scum that flock to, say, Glastonbury to rip people off that doesn't mean you're completely safe.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE. 
Honestly.  Don't assume that people won't take things from your tent, or even in the worst case take your tent.  Old clothes, unless you're going to be wearing them all the time, and keep your money and valuables with you wherever you go.  God, I sound like your mum, don't I?

Good shoes.  You'll be tramping about a *lot*.  For God's sake don't turn up in strappy platforms like some girls were last year.  Trainers are pretty good unless it rains.  A cap is also good, it got very hot
last year.  Sarongs are a good bargain, you can wear them, sit on them, shelter under them etc.  And something warm for the evening - once the sun goes in it can get pretty nippy so take a jumper or something.  Oh, and you don't want to be wearing a skirt if you're planning on going on
the gyroscopes/bouncy castles etc as all the boys stand around trying to look up girls skirts.  It's true, I swear.

If it even looks like it might rain, make sure you're prepared.  (My idea of preparation?  Stay at home.)  Take at least one change of clothes, wellies (not v cool, but cooler than losing your trainers in the mud or getting trench foot from wrapping your feet in plastic bags), warm socks, a towel, a decent raincoat/poncho, a roll of strong binbags and a good sense of humour are essential.  Hopefully it'll be a scorcher though, in which case take some suntan lotion and make sure you drink plenty of water blah blah blah.  A box of baby wipes is also a wise thing to take, you'll be grateful of them when it heats up. 
Oh, and a nice deodorant :)

If you're camping - take extra tent pegs in case some get nicked and your tent falls down.  They don't let you light fires at Chelmsford (in fact they make you camp in rows) so you probably won't spend much time
there anyway.  A few Mars bars are always a good thing to have for when you get the munchies and none of the stalls are open.  You won't really need a torch as it's pretty well lit, although a small one is useful for identifying your tent.  Ear plugs for when someone starts roaming around the campsite at 4 in the morning shouting at the top of his voice (as happened last year).  Take a camping pad/air mattress.  *Really* makes a difference to how much sleep you get and how warm you are.

Make sure that you get a cup of tea and some doughnuts from the doughnut stall at about 7pm.  Don't buy loads of beer tokens unless you're sure you can drink them - we bought far too many last year and you can't use Saturday tokens on the Sunday.  At the end of the day, give it a couple of hours before trying to get out of the car park - we did that last year and found it really easy to get out of the place, hardly any traffic at all.  (If you're taking the train there *is* a shuttle bus but the queue can get very long, take a good book or something.)

There, that's enough for now, isn't it?


AL
AL_916@hotmail.com
Take as little as possible with u.  Don't bother taking much food cos there won't be time for eatin'.  Take an old tent and sleeping bag, they WILL get wrecked completely. MUD, RAIN.  Take several bog rolls. This is not only useful to use but can be sold for a hurendous profit or exchanged for beverages. Take a torch. Its hard to find a tent in a feild of thousand at 4 in the morning not to mention dodging thousands of tent ropes.  The toilets have huge queues so try not to drink 2 much.  Big boots are essential as is waterproof clothing and bin bags.   ENJOY!!!


Craig Gunn
cgunn@ddapr.com
If going to Chelmsford and you in desperate need of one of those ominous morning toilet moments then save it for when the gates open at 12.00am. Rush across the field to the toilets by the NME stage as they would fresh and you can walk around for the rest of the days a few pounds lighter and a much happier bunny all around

 


El Simon the otter boy
procare@globalnet.co.uk
Don't take loads of fodder just 'cos u feel u have to do that camping thing, go and buy your meals from the vans. Especially the jacket potato van, oooh jacket potato with curry sauce, marvellous!!!
Be sociable, and generous with your lager, nobody likes a miserable twat.
For people going to Reading, get there early on the thursday and go straight for campsite M theres always loads of space and u don't have to share 1 square foot with about 200 other tents!!
Generosity with firewood dooesn't go unnoticed!!!!!
Don't take anything heavy 'cos it's only a bugger on monday when you're still pissed up from the night before
It's not clever to stay sober
The reputation the toilets get is completely unfair I'd have to say they are the most marvellous toilets I've ever shat in and probably cleaner thhan the queens lavvy!!!
Whatever u get up to have a great time and if u hear a bloke shouting 'wheres my otter?' that'll be me so come on over and have a few bevvy's!!!!!
C Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa there!!!!! Freedom for llamas

 


Raymond Butler
ryb6@aber.ac.uk
Make sure you are so pissed you won't get embarrassed if you find yourself running around naked

 


nicola
vandenbergomysta@hotmail.com
take a water proof jacket and dont drink too much like i did and faint during the Verve!!!! ahhhhhhh!!!! nightmare!!!!


russell hardie
twohunkyboyz@yahoo.com
listen up festival goers

coming from experience i offer you the following tips

1: you will need lots of fags buy these in advance as you will end up paying £4 for 20 shitty lambert and butler i only normaly smoke 10 a day but at a festival you WILL smoke more than normal ( trust me ).

2: take lots of dope with you although it is available there its not always good stuff so again buy in advance. if you are considering buying a bong for this event then wait till you get there the stalls have the widest selection of bongs you will ever see.

3: never under any sercomstances pitch your tent near the porter loos this may be ok for the first hour or two but believe me you will suffer in the long run

4: take as much beer as possible as it is expensive and shit in the arena and other stalls on site

5: get completely pissed and stoned and have a great time seeya all this year

i am gonna check out the new venue at weston park this year as i only live 5 mins down the road

 


Terry Fraser
terry@ourco333.demon.co.uk
Take prenty of beer because the beer sold on site is watered down

 


Dave, Simon and Shteevan
poo@poo.poo.com
Make sure you camp next to a fence at the edge of the campsite so you can piss in the woods!!!  If you have to
trek to the festival loo's all the time your alcohol consumption will be cut down by a large
amount!!!  But don't shit in the woods as that's just sick!!  Oh yeah, and if you step in
something that feels like wet tissue, worry, it's probably sick!  Also they don;t
check for drugs or anything so no worries there.  Camp near a tower so you get some light
and if your Dad's a rich shit then get him to buy you a remote control plane to
fly into the bands as that really pisses them off (do this especially if someone shite
like steps is playing!!!  Lets see them dance with with a plane up their fucking arses!

Bye Bye

Simon


rowe
rowe@hafod-wynne.freeserve.co.
uk


WET WIPES!!!!!
They are very welcome after a couple of days in a field!  A definate must have

 


TIBS
jtilsbur@nuskin.net
Dont take cans of beer etc. Normal rules apply and they will remove them.
I found a Cola bottle and a bit of JD worked nicely.
Please remember to drink some water during the weekend. In 97 it was a scorcher and there were a shitload of casualties.
If you do fancy a pint, it is pointless standing at the end of the Q. I know as a nation it is polite to patiently Q for things, but the reason you wont get anywear is because everyone else is piling in up the front.
Just forget about your morals for a short while and push in like everyone else.
Watch the top end of the hill where the main stage is set, lots of chaps urinating. Not a nice sight, or smell.
Oh, and finally, please dont do what I did last year - make sure you remember your sleeping bags. It is very cold at night, and you will not get much sleep.
Cheers!


Matt Jarrett
malcolm.jarrett@virgin.net
If it's cold, don't worry about it, when you've consumed 15 pints of lager and you're in the middle of 10,000 people you really don't notice.
If it's raining and you want to watch the bands without sinking then go to the lights, monitors etc that are in the crowd, they are surrounded by about 5 foot of metal, you can stand on it and use the barrier to rest your beer on.
If you lose your friends, don't worry, you'll find new ones, bizarrely they'll probably end up being from your home town however small it may be.
Last year someone nicked some of our beer but we ended up with more programs than we bought so if you are a theif please use this nice 'goods swapping' idea
Stay away from the man that sells hash fudge, it seems like a good idea at the time but you will not remember any band you subsequently watch.
Shouting bollocks is funny and clever especially when you can't sleep anyway due to the tent spinning round your head when you close you eyes.  It's not quite as funny as the bloke in the tent next to us who yelled "have it you lucky bitch" to nobody in particular.
Buy t-shirts on the last day when you know how much you've got left for beer.


 

 

Em
As a seasoned pro, I offer you these:

Be prepared - not only with your camping equipment, but physically as well.  Training is essential.  Do not even think about going unless you have practised the art of holding your nose whilst wiping your arse, without overbalancing from your squatting position above a mound of poo....  Failing this take your very own porta-loo as I intend to, or  master crapping in a carrier bag.  These can be sneakily deposited on someone else's rubbish pile at around 4 a.m.  

To avoid all toilet-related trauma's, eat bananas and hard-boiled eggs on your way there.  This can be easily remedied on Monday morning when you leave, by stopping at the Little Chef on the A12 towards London, and having a bloody great fry-up.  Expect 3,000 others to follow you there, so get up early and leave before the crowds.

Snackable food is always a good bet - pot noodles etc are a bonus at 2 a.m. when you've smoked yourself to a standstill, and have a bad attack of the munchies.

Top Tip - if you have the stamina (and if you can be arsed), take your mum's cool box filled with cans of your favourite alcoholic beverage, empty a couple of bags of ice on top (99p from supermarkets) and finish off with some cold water.  As your fellow campers complain of piss-warm beer/extortionate price of a pint, you'll be happily quaffing an ice cold tinny, late into Sunday.  Don't take bottles, they don't allow them on site.

Outdoor candles are a marvellous idea, but make sure you put them somewhere safe when you go off.... these are prime targets for unscrupulous fellow campers.

Finally, don't forget your tent poles, as we did last year.  Luckily we managed to erect a structure which provided adequate shelter, but looked like an ageing hippies abode.  The upside to this was we could see it a mile off, so take something to indicate where your tent is - a Union Jack flag might seem like a good idea at the time, but it won't be when it's pissing down with rain and you're trying to locate your tent amongst 15,000 others with Union Jack flags. 

Have fun kids, see you there!!

P.S. Shouting 'bollocks' has been going on for years, it's not big, it's not clever, but highly amusing after 10 lagers and a couple of j's!


 

Take a couple of big 3 litre plastic bottles with you so you can get all
your days water in one go so you don't have to walk all over the place when
you're off your head - it helps!!!
Don't take too many clothes - you won't use 'em - everyone's gonna smell
anyway so don't worry.  Don't be a theiving aggressive w****r cos everyone
will hate you.  That's about it - have a laugh and we'll see ya there!!!
Reko and Andy


Essential festival stuff.

Ever been wondering around, looking for your mates.......?  Yes most
people who i have bumped into have been.  I have been to every summer
festival since 1994, working for W.A.V.E (Welafre At Venues &
Events) Run by the red cross (warwickshire)

And streams of people never seem to be able to find their friends or
worse still get robbed.  What ever the story they mostly end up with
us. Because we do provide advice on safe sex, local information,
travel info, drugs info, you name it we know about it.

so my advice is, find a place to meet your mates and stick to it,
hide all your money, or take as little as possible. 

Festival TOP TIP:  Campers, every morning. put your tent into left
luggage to save yourself from theft. You know it makes sense, i speak
from experience. 

for more info
Write to

W.A.V.E British Red Cross
19 Coventry Road,
Cubbington,
Leamington Spa


Lee Vessey
jrvesseywazzer@hotmail.com
make sure that if you go down to mosh that you're:-
A. Strong
B. Not a Girl


Rick Yule
richard.yule@iclsofttech.com
Dear festival-goers,
Here is a snippet of my hard-earned festival knowledge:

1. DON'T use padlocks. Although it will stop casual passers-by having a quick look to see if there's anything worth nicking, the heavy mob will just rip your tent out of the ground, sling it over their shoulder and after slashing it open and nicking everything, discard it. Thieves can also slash open a locked tent. Eitherways, instead of maybe losing beer, cash, etc. you lose everything + tent. Normally, if your tent is nicked, they're only interested in the contents, and so assuming that your tent is labelled (another tip - label everything) it and the un-nicked contents will be returned to you at some point. Also, of course, it implies that stuff worth nicking is inside. By the way, sleep with stuff at back of tent - just because you're there doesn't mean they won't nick stuff.

2. DON'T take complicated/bulky/moist food. Last festival I went to, after the first day I really couldn't be arsed setting up stove for cooking - also, due to lack of water cleaning pans/plates or adding water to noodles was too much effort. Also, 'wet' food (eg tins) is very heavy - it all ads up. take snacky food, buy your proper meals there. Same for drink + fags. Only take spirits - anything else is to heavy to bring in quantity - buy from backs of dodgy transits. Also fags normally £3 for 20, so buy there - also fags get squashed/drowned in tent, so buy as you need.

3. Take bin bags and gaffa tape. Wellies are essential, but when water sloshes in it is there to stay. Insert leg in bin bag, then into wellie. Apply gaffa (carpet/duct tape, parcel tape sort of works) at intervals up leg, to avoid overtly baggy bags. REMEMBER to change bags as often as possible, dry feet when changing. Use newspaper or similar stuffed inside wellies overnight to dry them inside. DON'T leave wellies in porch of tent as they get nicked. If your legs do get muddy, clean them as often as you can. three-day-old caked mud is uncomfortable and excrutiating to get off.

4. DO take expandable water containers. They collapse for carrying when empty, and will take many litres when full. Saves on boot leather, esp. when muddy.

5. DON'T take anything you can't afford to lose. Take a bank card, put it in the safe deposit box if there is one. You can use bank machines in town. Keep cash in a money belt or similar. Remember, as long as you have cash, you can lose anything and still survive. You can always share a tent if that goes. Only buy beer, fags etc as you need them, so if it gets nicked it's not too much of a disaster.

Have a good one, remember the most important tip is to KEEP SMILING!!!

Love from Rick


DAVIDGE WHINRAY
dwhinray@mailcity.com
Drink, Arse, Feck, Girls


sarah warriner
sarah@wagen.demon.co.uk
If you wana get to the front of the stage, go around the sides and push across to the centre. Works (almost)every time!


Joni Lowis
jlowis@hotmail.com
Don't forget to go!!!!!


Chris Love
p.love@virgin.net
Take an inflateable to throw into the crowd, a light stick to attach to your friends so you can find them after dark and always throw at people into the crowd the dark.Also Water pistols can provide high quality amusement.


Jim McKenzie
DO NOT go for a shit in the portoloos on the last day of any festival unless you want to be sick!!  At the the Temple Newsam at Leeds theres plenty of pefectly good bushes and trees.


SCOTT
DRINK AT NIGHT,EAT IN THE DAY. ONCE YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF 40000 PEOPLE, ITS NOT EASY TO GO FOR A SLASH!


Jules
erictheseagull@hotmail.com
1.Don't cop off with a moron at the start of the day, otherwise they'll follow you around for the next 48 hours boring you to death and ruining your weekend.

2. If you're the kind of moron refered to in tip 1, DON'T GO TO V98.


Geez
r.g.scott@lineone.net
What ever you do, don't watch Bjorn Again


Kelly Reeves
BTaylor634@AOL.com
1.) Take a mallet, essential for the construction of most tents.(shoes don't actually work)
2.) If planning on a good nights sleep, don't!!Particularly if your tent is next to the dance tent or the toilets.
3.) Take plenty of water as the taps run out after approx 2 hours.


Here's a few top tips for you. Make sure that everyone takes suntan lotion. I went to V96 and got absolutely burnt to a crisp. Take lots of money and drink plenty of water to prevent dehydration or if all else fails get blind drunk!!!

Tracey Ricco


Last year they were giving out £1 for every full bag of rubbish collected

Also, take loads of water, keep the bottles (I know it was very tempting to sling them at Gary Stringer!) and go onto the site at about 2am. You can then fill the bottles up without queuing!


Here's a few top tips for you. Make sure that everyone takes suntan lotion. I went to V96 and got absolutely burnt to a crisp. Take lots of money and drink plenty of water to prevent dehydration or if all else fails get blind drunk!!!


A tip for festival-goers that seems to have been overlooked:
DON'T FORGET TO GO AND SEE SOME BANDS.


1.First off all dont forget to bring your tent and more importantly beer.BTW, I think you can bring beer into the campsite but not into the arena.
2.Dont leave anything valuable like your beer unattended. Otherwise make sure at least one person in your party is to out of his/her head to leave the tent. Otherwise it will get robbed.
3.Dont go swimming in the Thames without your clothes on because everyone on the Thames riverboat cruises can see you.
4.On a more serious note, if you are on medication, don't forget your pills. There is a First Aid tent at the festival if you have an attack of something or other. I was in there last year twice with asthma attacks, did you know that Julianna Hatfield came in to get headache tablet while I was there.
5.Take a big bottle of water into the main arena with you, otherwise you could endup dehydrated, plus it's proberbly cheaper than buying bottled water while your in there.
6.As the Festival site is quite close to the town centre, why not pop into town and get yourself a big slap up breaky in the morning at some greasy caf.gorgeous.
7.Once you get into the arena pick a place where you and all your mates can meet up if you get split up at some point, the bar is usually a good one.
Andy


Essential Tip: Take a whole load of bin bags with you when you're camping so that when it rains you just shove everything (including yourself probably!) into one and it doesn't get wet - clever eh?! Wish I'd done that last year, everything got drenched the first day!!!
See ya there! Caroline


How about don't forget your loo roll for those wonderful loos.......and er........if you a mopey git we don't want you for the festival......we want fun loving happy go lucky "yeah course you can have a beer mate - even if i don't know who you are " kinda people!!!!
Waheed Ahmed 94127968@brookes.ac.uk Mopey Git


Don't forget the baby wipes!!! They're extra useful for cleansing the face and hands in the morning so you don't have to join the ridiculous ques for grubby cold water to wash with!! The other thing is that it is useful to know that the toilets are usually cleanest mid morning (just after the poo suckers have been) it's worth waiting!!! xfq95@dial.pipex.com Wed, 26 Feb 1997


Take loads of diarrhea tablets to stop you from having to go to those stinky bogs. If, however, you do desperatly need to go then:
a) don't go on the last night because people push 'em over (as happened to a friend of mine)
b) position yourself about 2 inches above the rim of the seat and aim bloody carefully!
c) respect other bog patrons (this counts not only for having a crap)
Also, get a taxi from the station because it's a bloody long way to walk. While I'm thinking about it, don't drink on the train because if you need to go to the bog on the way to the field, you're buggered!
See ya there!
John Bower


If your planning to camp at the festival like the vast majority and don't want to have to walk the london marathon to the main arena then get there and pitch your tent on the Thursday, otherwise it'll be too late and you'll be miles away from the arena.
Two other points are never ever pitch your tent downwind or within 50 yards of the toilets because at the end of the weekend the stench will be unbearable.
Chris Jones


;))))) well u should have a good tent withougt holes in it....and have blankets it can get bit cold during the nights especially if it rains...and they charge u a lot for a blanket inside the festival.....;))) and buy the beer close by the festival not trhe first store u see or else u have to carrie loads of it too the festival;)) hehhee see u there ICE!!!
Loki


1. Get there early on the Thursday, and try to get yout tent close(ish) to the arena.
2. DONT pitch your tent too near to the road - if it rains the cars will spray mud all over your tent.
3. If you travel by car, pack up your stuff on the Sunday morning, put it in the car then go to see the final day of bands. You can then leave for home late Sunday or early Monday morning, avoiding the rush
See you there!!!!
Neil Smith


when it rained last year, we bought survival bags from the town centre, one to put our stuffin, and one to put our sleeping bags(and ourselves) in. they're better than bin bags, and only cost about 3 quid each
Caroline Watson


Whatever you do, do not pitch your tent in a ditch or even a slight dip as all the rain floods in. Last year we had a good laugh at my friends tent as it looked more like a pond.
Also dont buy your alcohole from the small local shops as they treble their prices, about \24325 for 15 beers is poor. Try sainsburys or other supermarkets.
Small padlocks for your zips are good as we had \24330 taken from our teny, WHILE WE SLEPT! Keep the key(s) safe on a necklace.
One last thing, dont get too intoxicated as you might miss the bands, asleap in a bin or something.
Henry C Woodcock


Take those water purifying tablets that your mum takes to Greece and Spain on holiday (get them from a chemist, they'll know what you mean), fill an empty bottle from the tap and then purify it for washing, cleaning your teeth, shaving your legs and boiling for a lovely cuppa. Its a lot cheaper than buying tonnes of Evian from Sainsburys. Oh, if you go to Sainsburys don't try to 'borrow' a trolley, they had security posted outside last year banning those in DM's and trainers from having a trolley.
Even if your tent is new(ish) take some bin bags in case somethihng goes wrong. Tent seam sealer is a good idea too, the dome type tents can stretch the seams so it lets in LOTS of water. Take a few Tesco bags to sit on in the arena, even if it doesn't rain you don't know what the hell you might be parked on.
Paracetomol, plasters, baby wipes, SUN TAN LOTION is essential.
GO to the riverside inn (or whatever its called) (Pipers Island?? ,Andy)along the river bank, they do a stonking fried breakfast or half fried breakfast for #3/#1.50.
Taxi from the station only costs about #2.50, its well worth it.
Nick some bog roll from home, people get so desperate they'll pay you for it. Take loads of it to the bog so you can wipe the seat or line the seat with it.
Don't walk around with no shoes on, people will piss anywhere, and there's glass everywhere, people also bring their dogs....
Happy camping. See you there! Amanda s9609562chelt.ac.uk


couple of things:
Forget Pipers Island, Walk a little bit over the bridge and goto the Crown Pub. Run by Butch and Di it's ace and has a pool table and they install portaloos specially over the fest for all the festival goers. They do an Excellent all-day breakfast for no much cash and the beer is top.
Also when you need to use the phone, you walk past the Crown into Caversham. There's 2 phones there that ALWAYS (ie the last 6 years) have about 50 people outside. Well walk about 100 yards around the corner and there's 4 more phones that hardly anyone ever stands outside (i guess they all phone their mummies and then shop for copious amounts of Lager) - Fair Play.
Also the Fair is usually a laff but dont drop your keks on the spinny upside downy ride cos they ban you from the fair. I speak from Experience.
Gregster
Who Camps at the fest even though he lives 5 minutes away.:-)


1 - Try if you can to take your own food, a small camping stove and something to cook in (small saucepan!). Heavy - Maybe, but it is way cheaper and safer that one of Reading Festival's own BSE burgers!!
2 - I agree with whoever sugested the 'Baby' wipes. I took loads last year and I ended up flogging them for a beer a square! (good business!)
3 - Try not to wear too much into the arena if you are planning to 'mosh' or crowd surf, it gets hot, very sweaty and you will have no where to put your unwanted layers, if crowd surfing your excess (and other) clothing WILL get ripped off and that goes for jewellery especially peircings (not a pretty sight - they bleed like buggery)
4 - If it rains you WILL get wet no matter how hard you try, take a towel or two and keep them in bin bags in your tent, they will be appreciated!
5 - Keep a good fire lit at all times or you may find that some desperate psycho has parked their tent on your nicely glowing embers over night, they maybe well used to 'hot-rock' burns in the floor of the tent but they may think twice about it burning to ashes with all their stuff in it!!
6 - If you like your space then don't camp in a field that is right next to the arena. It is a real pain trying not to go arse-over-tit over all the guy ropes. (and tent pegs tend to get nicked too)
7 - DON'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE LOOS (no-one is that desperate for a slash/dump, go into the town!)
8 - We don't want any miserable-hard-done-by-too-deep-to-be-spoken-to-gits because we are all there to have a good time and you will no doubt piss some one right off! Don't bother going!
9 - Have a good one!
10 - See you there!
From Ratty
ratty@queenswood.herts.sch.uk


Don't even consider trying to use the toilets in McDonalds, everyone else will have thought of it first. Although it is a laff watching the staff go ape because of the chaos and flooded loos.
If you are travelling by coach or train try not to pack food, it really weighs you down. When you arrive get straight down to Sainsburys in town and stock up, its a lot easier. Remember that what you cook in has to be washed up, dried baked beans are a bit poo to scrape off a plate at 3 in the morning when you fancy a sarnie.
Amanda s9609562@chelt.ac.uk


A word about tents...
People will nick your tent pegs even while you're sleeping in the damn thing, it's a bit poo when it's gets really windy. If you find you are short on tent pegs 'borrow' some from the ******* who camped on your burnt out fire while you were sleeping. There's nothing worse than waking up and finding your panoramic view is destroyed by a giant orange leaky canvas tent with plastic windows and seventies floral curtains.
Rant rant mumble grumble etc. Amanda


I went to the festival last year and i have some good tips:
1) For a great breakfast and a nice cup of tea try Betts cafe.
2) Worried about using the chemical toilets (you should be) Wait till the Arena is open and you will find clean flushing toilets with sinks.
3) Don't avoid blokes flogging stuff out of Transits. Last year we bought tons of beer and loads of fags really cheap.
4) Putting a padlock on yout tents zip is a good and bad idea. Thieving Rabbi's think that you must have something worth nicking in it or it dissuades them.
5) Try and meet loads of new friends. Gather at one camp site in the evening and have a fire with loads of people. The reason for this is firewoods about #3.
2142MORROWB@montagu.theplanet.co.uk


1) Dont buy a T-shirt (except maybe for an ultra cool reading'97 one) until the sunday/monday. The slaesmen get desperate and start dropping the prices. This sometimes happens to the programmes as well, but not always, so its well worth buying one of them on the first day.
2) Dont camp near any of the poles that hole up the lights. They WILL get pulled over and may well **** your tent.
3) Try to bring something to make a flag pole from, and also a bright flag. Trust me, after fifteen pints, every tent on the planet looks the same!
4) Dont fiddle with your band. If it gets too loose the guards may not let you into the arena. Not good.
5) Look out for someone dressed in a black hood, banging a kettle and screaming 'BRING OUT YOUR DEAD'. That'll be me.
Rictus.


1) Don`t believe any cacky rumours people tell you. Ie we were told that green day had cancelled a couple of years ago. Lying bunch of bum.
2) Don`t take any cookable food, I know you feel like you have to do that camping thang but it takes up alot less drinking if you take snack food
3) Try and hang around the arena after dark on the sunday night as for some reason they were giving away crates of kiora (well somebody was handing them out anyhow)
4) Never stand near the wobbly people. These drunken mites have a tendency to go the toilet right on the edge of the moshpit and you may be caught in the firing line sonny.
(use what you will of these valuable tips)
>From Simon


Dave, Simon and Shteevan
poo@poo.poo.com
Make sure you camp next to a fence at the edge of the campsite so you can piss in the woods!!!  If you have to
trek to the festival loo's all the time your alcohol consumption will be cut down by a large
amount!!!  But don't shit in the woods as that's just sick!!  Oh yeah, and if you step in
something that feels like wet tissue, worry, it's probably sick!  Also they don;t
check for drugs or anything so no worries there.  Camp near a tower so you get some light
and if your Dad's a rich shit then get him to buy you a remote control plane to
fly into the bands as that really pisses them off (do this especially if someone shite
like steps is playing!!!  Lets see them dance with with a plane up their fucking arses!

Bye Bye

Simon, Shteevan, And Dave "wanker"TIBS
jtilsbur@nuskin.net
Dont take cans of beer etc. Normal rules apply and they will remove them.
I found a Cola bottle and a bit of JD worked nicely.
Please remember to drink some water during the weekend. In 97 it was a scorcher and there were a shitload of casualties.
If you do fancy a pint, it is pointless standing at the end of the Q. I know as a nation it is polite to patiently Q for things, but the reason you wont get anywear is because everyone else is piling in up the front.
Just forget about your morals for a short while and push in like everyone else.
Watch the top end of the hill where the main stage is set, lots of chaps urinating. Not a nice sight, or smell.
Oh, and finally, please dont do what I did last year - make sure you remember your sleeping bags. It is very cold at night, and you will not get much sleep.
Cheers!


Matt Jarrett
malcolm.jarrett@virgin.net
If it's cold, don't worry about it, when you've consumed 15 pints of lager and you're in the middle of 10,000 people you really don't notice.
If it's raining and you want to watch the bands without sinking then go to the lights, monitors etc that are in the crowd, they are surrounded by about 5 foot of metal, you can stand on it and use the barrier to rest your beer on.
If you lose your friends, don't worry, you'll find new ones, bizarrely they'll probably end up being from your home town however small it may be.
Last year someone nicked some of our beer but we ended up with more programs than we bought so if you are a theif please use this nice 'goods swapping' idea
Stay away from the man that sells hash fudge, it seems like a good idea at the time but you will not remember any band you subsequently watch.
Shouting bollocks is funny and clever especially when you can't sleep anyway due to the tent spinning round your head when you close you eyes.  It's not quite as funny as the bloke in the tent next to us who yelled "have it you lucky bitch" to nobody in particular.
Buy t-shirts on the last day when you know how much you've got left for beer.


Chris Evans
c.evans@n-shropshire.ac.uk
 - make sure you share a tent with
 a)someone good looking i.e. Kelly Jones
 b)someone who doesn't smell
 
 - Make sure you pitch your tent near convenient bushes or trees, in case of desperate need for toilet!!!
 - take plenty of booze, as their supply may be contaminated. Also, if your anything like us, you may get withdrawl symptoms.
 - Don't go wearing platform shoes, no matter how short you may be. Also you may sink in the mud
 
    have a good time and see you their
          luv the Brady Bunch


Tommi Mitchell
tommi@madheadz.freeserve.co.uk
1. Do not under any circumstances shit in the woods! If you do, like my mate you will get severely fined!!!
Its a bastard if you do get fined for takin a dump!

2. Take plenty of beer as beer on site is 2 quid per half pint, and is watered down by the shits that serve you.

3. If you queue for beer for ages and when you finally get to the front and they ask you for id, and you dont have any, take the sympathy vote and say "Ive bee queing in the pissing down rain/boiling hot sun for x number of minutes and now i get asked for id, well thanks a fuckin' lot" and they will probably sympathise and seve you

I will be going to V99 this year, so if you see someone with bright blue hair, pissed off their face, come and talk to me, im really fun, honest, i'll be goin to the weston Park V99


The Particle Doctor
palcon"cableinet.co.uk
Wear your baggiest combat trousers with a gazillion pockets, you can stash loads of contraband and cans of beer etc.. and not have them confiscated at the barriers. Glass bottles also arn't allowed. Good thing really if you saw the complete melee of empty bottles hunmming in the air last year near the main stage, causing Beck to duck in V97 also.


Suzanne
5262@stmartins.essex.sch.uk
Go to the toilet as much as physically possible during the bands you want to see. You'll need to take this advise espescially if you are planing on drinking the Huge Buckets of Budwieser. I didn't take this advise last year and ended up having to piss in on of the cups during The Allsaints set.


John
jwcollens@aol.com
HA! Well, all i can say is that if you are going to take your own alcohol to drink outside the arena (they don't let you take cans into the arena, BASTARDS!), take Miller(in cans) of about 15 different beers we took, it is the only one that is nice(when i say nice, i mean drinkable) after it's been sat in a hot tent all day, whilst you've been bouncing around to all those top groups.Oh, DON'T EAT THE NOODLES!!!!!!!!!


bec
57246017@mmu.ac.uk
Never, and I repeat NEVER!!!!! stand in front of a drunken bloke in the crowd, as he's likley to whip it out and piss down the back of your legs...!!!!!!! and dont be fooled into thinking thats a pint of water thats just smacked you on the back of your head.?!?!?!

Keef
Keef0@hotmail.com
1-Take plenty of your own bog roll
2- Have a shower before you go (only wimps have one there)
3  Noodles are a student style food necessity
4- Stock up on Tesco little beer bottles (small but loads will result in being very pissed)
5- On no circumstances pitch your tent near some scottish people that can do 3 blind mice Radiohead fashion.
6- Don't plan on using the loos at Reading on the last night as bets are they won't be standing and if one is and you use it there is also the chance that you will get covered in all the crap when somebody does tip it over.
7- Abuse the police
8- Run around the campsites pretending to be COrnholio and don't plan on the police being polite.


Keef
988127630@98.humber.ac.uk
If you go to Reading this year and are in the town center and desperate for a
slash then there is a really swanky restaurant/cafe across the road to Barclays
with nice swanky toilets with wooden seats and no signs of any festival goers.


Also take the p**s out of the people selling tickets outside the site by shouting
"Biscuits for sale, will swap a biscuit for a ticket". Guaranteed to annoy them
especially if you have not had a shower for three days.


Also anyone who gets approached by a blonde lad this year trying to gain money
for his shower fund, be kind as last year only one 16 yr old (female of course) felt
pity for me and gave me 20p. So if you are reading this then thanks it helped me
phone my mum on the way home so she would have a beer nicely chilled ready
for me.


Bobalog chick
johnwat@globalnet.co.uk
Loo roll and plenty of it  - especially if you are a chick
cos you'll use lots. Errrrrr take your friends and a
glow stick to find them when you have been bravelymoshing.
Take a camera with a good flash so that when Tim from
Ash stands close to you you can get a good photo and not
an entry into the dodgy photo comp!
Take chocolate digestives: good for breakfast, tea and
the munchies. Don't take Bacardi and coke and leave it
in the sun before you drink it. Big headache will ensue.
Take shoes and good ones although it is funto take the
piss out of the tarts in the strappy heels Laura.
Take sun cream and also stuff like paracetamol.
Phone your mum once to tell her you are alive. Do this
when there are no queues cos you could be missing a really good band. Try and get yourself on the telly by taking your top off is a must.
Bye bye for now. See you at Reading only this year cos I will be abroad.
Bobalog xxx


If you think of any other 'tips' you feel everyone should know fill in the form at the top of this page.

 

Festival Tips

russell hardie
twohunkyboyz@yahoo.com
listen up festival goers

coming from experience i offer you the following tips

1: you will need lots of fags buy these in advance as you will end up paying £4 for 20 shitty lambert and butler i only normaly smoke 10 a day but at a festival you WILL smoke more than normal ( trust me ).

2: take lots of dope with you although it is available there its not always good stuff so again buy in advance. if you are considering buying a bong for this event then wait till you get there the stalls have the widest selection of bongs you will ever see.

3: never under any sercomstances pitch your tent near the porter loos this may be ok for the first hour or two but believe me you will suffer in the long run

4: take as much beer as possible as it is expensive and shit in the arena and other stalls on site

5: get completely pissed and stoned and have a great time seeya all this year

i am gonna check out the new venue at weston park this year as i only live 5 mins down the road


nicola
vandenbergomysta@hotmail.com
take a water proof jacket and dont drink too much like i did and faint during the Verve!!!! ahhhhhhh!!!! nightmare!!!!


procare@globalnet.co.uk
Don't take loads of fodder just 'cos u feel u have to do that camping thing, go and buy your meals from the vans. Especially the jacket potato van, oooh jacket potato with curry sauce, marvellous!!!
Be sociable, and generous with your lager, nobody likes a miserable twat.
For people going to Reading, get there early on the thursday and go straight for campsite M theres always loads of space and u don't have to share 1 square foot with about 200 other tents!!
Generosity with firewood dooesn't go unnoticed!!!!!
Don't take anything heavy 'cos it's only a bugger on monday when you're still pissed up from the night before
It's not clever to stay sober
The reputation the toilets get is completely unfair I'd have to say they are the most marvellous toilets I've ever shat in and probably cleaner thhan the queens lavvy!!!
Whatever u get up to have a great time and if u hear a bloke shouting 'wheres my otter?' that'll be me so come on over and have a few bevvy's!!!!!
C Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa there!!!!! Freedom for llamas


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